Kids and Weight: How Energy Balance Makes the Conversation Easier
I have a lot of discussions with fellow moms about how to speak to our kids about the subject of weight. A lot of us mothers share experiences we had from our childhood with our own moms, which left us negative feelings about addressing this subject with our own children, leaving us to want to avoid them altogether. Most of us feel as though the subject was approached the wrong way and left us feeling negative about it, and even suffering from our own body image issues, as a result of these unsuccessful conversations. We fear we might cause our kids to have these same, negative experiences should we try and approach the subject, especially in our aesthetic-driven society. We worry they may take on their own misconceptions, especially our daughters, of what an ideal body weight should be or a dysfunctional pursuit of perfection that may lead them to failure.
Being raised by a single mom myself, who suffered from bulimia and addictions, resulted in me feeling the way other moms do about this subject, and left me in pursuit of a healthier way to approach it with my own kids. I grew up having body image issues and managed them in unhealthy ways, as a result of my mom discussing the way she felt “fat” all the time, outwardly communicating when she noticed myself or my sisters gaining weight, having us step on a scale at a young age and constantly talking about our outward appearance. It wasn’t until later in my life, as I became educated on the subject of “energy balance”, that I was able to re-educate myself as an adult on new approaches to my thought process when it came to thinking about weight gain or loss.
When we think of weight scientifically and frame it in terms of “energy balance”, we take the emotions out of the conversation. This is important, as the idea of weight gain or loss, can have some very strong emotional connections for many of us. This is because this phenomenon can occur as a result of stressful or painful experiences. When it comes to the psychology of the subject, this is better left in the hands of an experienced professional or the individual themselves. However, when it comes to the subject of “energy balance” itself, this is the area that can allow us to speak more freely about the scientific applications of what happens, and what we can do when weight is gained or lost.
Energy, as we know, comes from our food in the form of calories. The various foods we eat are what make up these calories. Our food is comprised of three macronutrients (proteins, fats and carbohydrates), that each have their own unique profile of micronutrients (the smaller elements we need in our diet, such as minerals), and calories per unit (protein and carbohydrates have 4 calories per gram and fats have 9 calories per gram). What we eat, and how much, determines the amount of calories (energy), we consume every day. The movements we make each day, along with our bodies’ unique requirements, are what determines our individualized amount of calories we need to consume each day. (This is variable as our requirements change based not only on our decreased or increased movements, but also with growth, hormone fluctuations, body composition changes, etc).
Knowing one’s exact daily calorie allowance (otherwise known as their TDEE – Total Daily Energy Expenditure), can be roughly calculated but is not 100% exact. It is a scientific fact, however, that if we consume more than our daily calories we require, we will gain body fat over time. Conversely, if we consume less, we can possibly lose body fat over time. (I say “body fat” versus the word “weight” in this article, as we are focused on the “body fat” part of weight gain or loss, and not the other parts of weight gain or loss that can occur with the other aspects that make up our body composition, such as our muscle, water and bone).
So, how do we take all of this information and explain it to our children? We can do it by focusing on two things:
- The role of our food and how it provides us with energy
- The importance of movement as it relates to energy
Let’s take point #1, the role of food. When you break this concept down to its most simplistic form, they can understand that they need food to provide them energy. Just like a car needs fuel, we need energy to move. I like to use this analogy with my kids to explain that when our stomachs are empty, we are “running on empty” like a car without fuel. Our kiddos have enough experiences with us in the car, to know how important it is for our gas tanks to be full when we’re taxiing them from place-to-place. Maybe they’ve even been with you in the car when it stalled? Hopefully not. But, you get my point.
To add to the car analogy, we only have so much gas we can put in our tanks. This helps them understand that there is a point of capacity. We can go even further, to explain that any gas outside of this capacity goes wasted and how being wasteful with our food isn’t a good practice. We consume our food to satisfy our tanks, and how we know this, is by understanding our hunger cues. Our bodies will hopefully tell us when we’re being given the red light.
Taking point #2 into consideration, we can add to our conversation of food, and explain how important it is to move. Our movement contributes to our health and wellness. Again, using the same car analogy, we can explain how a car without movement would get rusty and stall out in the driveway. We can further our discussion and explain that we are free to move because we are properly fueled and this is what we were made to do as humans. Kids generally enjoy movement, especially when we suggest creative ways to make it fun for them. Movement doesn’t have to be suggested as a chore, but rather something fun that they get to do!
We can even take our discussions further, to explain how food allows us to move more, so when we consume more, we are free to move more. Helping them understand that activities like gaming and watching TV doesn’t allow them to move like their bodies were mean to do, helps them to understand why it’s important to make time for activities that do, in lieu of them thinking that we are just trying to prevent them from doing something they may like but doesn’t benefit their overall wellness. Oftentimes, when we encourage them to move and they see us doing activities that encourage this, they are more likely to join in. These activities are also good opportunities for family bonding time and contribute to the family’s overall wellness.
It is important to remember that kids are in a state of growth, so the same rules that apply to adults when it comes to understanding one’s TDEE and specific food and macronutrient requirements don’t apply the same way. They may enter a period of growth that causes them to consume more or less food at different times. Having a discussion with a licensed professional is best when trying to do a deeper dive into their specific nutritional requirements and/or investigating concerns a parent may have in this space. However, we know that the same principles apply with kids as they do with adults, in that body fat will be gained if calories are consumed in excess and lost if calories are consumed in a deficit.
Keeping our discussions simple and palatable for kids, allows them to understand and identify with the principles of energy balance and hopefully be encouraged to eat in a healthy capacity and move more, hopefully contributing to a healthy weight. Additionally, having the emotions being taken out of the weight conversation, helps them possibly avoid the dysfunctional attachments we may have harbored about the subject as parents and may support a healthier way of viewing the subject in general.
